Not Enough Sweat...

So I am on day 2 of my health kick

1) Rode my exercise bike (20mins, 6.49km, 148cal burned)
2) Walked my dog (55mins, 2 laps around the other park)

But then I ate some Taro Cake... a slither but cake nonetheless... okay it was bigger than a slither. Was it worth it? My belly says it was.

Tomorrow I will be seeing my case manager and the psychiatrist who will hopefully say 'bye bye' to Zyprexa.

2 months pass...

On a totally unrelated topic I have decided to once again embark on the journey of health. On the way I will sweat off the kilos I have piled on from my discharge from hospital. I'll call this an early New Year's Resolution as I can't afford just to wait until it is 2009.

1) Thou shall not indulge in sweet treats
2) Thou shall not eat when not hungry
3) Thou shall not gorge when emotional
4) Thou shall participate in regular exercise

So starting today I:

1) Rode my exercise bike (37.18mins, 13.53km, 308cal burned)
2) Walked my dog (40mins, 2 laps around the park)
3) 100 cycle, 50 scissors, 50 up and down (abstract exercise concepts which I shall illustrate with Bipolar Girl)

I suppose in brief hindsight this post does relate to my bipolar. After I was hit with my second episode and discharged out of hospital I just stopped caring about the consequences of too much food. 4 months of eating just for eating, this is going to be a hard habbit to break.

I wrote to Reid Taylor about why Zyprexa was so bad, and he said "weight gain, weight gain, weight gain". On further investigation Reid said "you won’t gain if you don’t eat more than before. But you will want to."


So can I blame my food binge on a drug?

I'm on 5 mg of Zyprexa at night, cut down from 10 mg. Hopefully I'll be off Zyprexa for good by Christmas.

I'm going to try replacing my desire to eat and snack all day with a drink of water. Anytime I feel the need to snack, water instead. I wonder how that will pan out? It's the same hand action.

5) Thou shall drink plenty of water

Eating

Do you ever have a meal and then wish you could uneat it and eat it again.

I do. All the time.

Apparently Zyprexa is notorious for mucking around with the hunger sensors, well I like to play 'blame' the drugs. It's probably, really, because I am in love with eating. That's what is in my headspace at the moment. Food, food and more food. I need to get out more.

Graph me happy, yeah!

This is my representation of my manic moods. You swing from one end to another, almost like a pendulum of emotional turmoil. For the past weeks I've been holding onto the point just before falling into what I think is depression. I saw a counsellor, I saw a psychologist and then I went on a one week holiday where all I did was think and eat. Bad for stomach, good for brain.

Something about being away from "everything" was extremely cleansing. I do wonder if it will last, and if it lasts will this blog last. I hope so, I do like rambling on to an invisible audience, and if not an audience, at least to myself. So have the adventures of Bipolar Girl ceased, yes they have, at least for now. But in the name of reliving memories perhaps I will still share thoughts on what bipolar is and how it effected me.

Fly away

If I had wings,
I would fly, way up high
above the sky.
I'd see beautiful things,
and leave the world behind
but most of all,
I would have peace in my mind.

by Shellie S.

A little help please

What's going on in my mind?

Well I know I need some help, so I'm seeking it in the form pill shaped people with Rx written on their bodies. I hope they can talk some sense into me.

Let me throw in a random quote because my mind is drawing a blank right now.

Life is like a wild tiger. You can either lie down and let in lay it’s paw on your head or sit on it’s back and ride it

I feel like I've ridden the tiger, fell off and hit my head hard against a rock.

Back to Reality...

Mania is like the never ending flight. But once reality kicks in you start to doubt yourself and if you could even fly in the first place...

Do I really need a cape? Is pink my colour? How about red, would a red cape be more superhero-like? Soon after you realise you need to land eventually.

But what is it like when you are up there with not a care in the world?

Mania and hypomania to some degree (in my experience) can be likened to losing the 'reasoning' part of your brain. You know, the part that says, you can't really afford that diamond studded cape, or [insert expensive desired item here]. When my mania hit, 'reasoning' was gone and through the descent I began acting purely on 'impulses'. Anything that would usually get filtered by my brain, was gone. For me it was the thoughts in my head that say 'don't do that, don't say that'. To be honest, most the time, it felt great. But in hindsight, when recalling all the things I'd said and done, not so good. In this case memory loss is a saviour.

When You're High

Today I thought I'd share one of my super powers. I can fly, I don't even look where I'm headed. Head down, arms foward, ploughing endlessly through the mist.


I could stay up there for days, no need for sleep. From here the view is so clear, you can see everything.

2 days later: Stopped flying, cape a bit damp from the clouds yet faded from excessive sun exposure. Perplexed.

To Do: Make new cape (perhaps from water resistant material) and fly again.

Bipolar Girl

Welcome, this is me, Bipolar Girl. I have a pink cape, it looks good. I'm hungry.

5 minutes later: I found some garlic dip. Now I am Garlic Girl. How quickly things change!

Small Steps

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step"

Lao Tzu

I have decided to take that step by posting this entry.


So forth comes Girl with Bipolar. Personally, I prefer Bipolar Girl it's more catchy, and it sounds like she could have some superpowers.

So, is this the birth of Bipolar Girl?
It's just me. Female. Yellow. Simple.