It's a fresh start... renewal of energy, a blessing

"So when does the rush being, only once the tap is tapped in..." - Jen Lee 2011

Progress

So what have I been up to? Not much and a lot at the same time. I've done an outline to my book and I will spend the rest of tonight working on it. So off I go, and continue to write. It's hard to write and not put too much thought into it, once I do the doubt creeps in. Good luck me.

Friends

Thank you to all the amazing people in my life. I am so blessed and fortunate to have met such wonderful beautiful people and each of you have made a difference to how I see myself and how I view life.

I am currently working on writing a book about my experiences with bipolar. The first part will be similar to an autobiography (except quite short and littered with pictures and random thoughts). The second part will be the realisations I've made and how that links to the 'manic' state and what lessons people can take away with that. I'll need research to make it concise and accurate. I really hope this book will help people understand what it's like to go through the extreme ups and downs. Also to give insight on what it's like in the public hospital system.

So begins my journey as a writer. Let's hope I get this done. I just want to help people who've been through similar experiences and show them that bipolar could be the biggest blessing they've been given. I was told that events by themselves aren't good or bad, it's how we interpret them that gives them the emotion. To me, it's always been the bipolar blessing.

Keeping Accountable

It's one thing to listen, it's another to follow through and do. I like to see myself as someone who will achieve great things through helping others. Though self doubt sometime lingers, it's through this fear and uncertainity that we can challenge ourselves and achieve amazing things. I'm over being 'comfortable'. I often look at my life and it's laughable that I still managed to make myself depressed and torn apart. Now I take full responsibility for everything.

By Changing Yourself, You Change The World

Here are my affirmations (yes you can trick your subconcious in believing these whole heartedly, that's a wonderful thing)

- I am Love
- I am constantly evolving
- I am unstoppable and powerful
- I am an action taker and decision maker
- I am healthier and fitter than I have ever been
- I am inspiring and successful
- I am a best selling author and speaker
- I am excited about my life and my future
- I am an amazing and strong person
- I am worthy of all my goals and dreams

Luckily I've got plenty of life left to keep repeating and believing these affirmations. And I shall.

For the past two weeks I've experienced such a wide range of emotions, the overpowering emotion has been peace and joy. I believe it's all down to just having that faith in myself, my abilites and remembering my dreams.

Never give up on your dreams, if you do, you die

Mind Fuck

I made a realisation yesterday. My spirit was torn apart and each time my mind and soul would battle I would relapse into a manic episode. Knowing that I have freed my guilt, anger, hate I am free. I feel whole again.

A swan amongst ducks, finally finding a flock of swans (the words Michael Adamedes spoke to me)

I have found my life purpose:

1) Love my family/Have a family
2) Love my friends
3) Write and publish my book (about my experience with Bipolar I, mania and spirituality)
4) Save lives (through education and promotion of my book)
5) Have fun and give back as much as I have received

Affirmation for March 9th

I accept opportunities when they come my way. I feel confident about my future - Louise L. Hay

Bean a while (food on the mind)

On the outer, it's great. There are so many possibilities in life and you are only restricted by the size of your dreams. I had this conversation one time with my cousin and said it's like:

Imagine a bird cage, you have all you need, food, water, unnecessary entertainment trinkets (a ladder, bell) and it's cleaned for you. You're content and probably don't have a realistic concept on what is on the outside. Then you may upgrade to a larger cage, more space, you can fly a little (instead of just the hop fly movement). Why wouldn't you strive for no cage?

Up to this point in my life I've mostly felt comfortable, imagine (yes I'm a visual person) one of those awesome L shaped leather couches. I've made a decision, I don't want comfort, I want challenge and that requires courage. And courage involves doubt.

I've been moving but in which direction I don't know.

Never mistake motion for action

I'm scared and excited.

Freedom

I'm free. Well technically if you think about it I was always free... but now I am actually free, properly. Now I get to eat good food, I'd almost forgotten what it tasted like. I almost mistook hospital food for good food. It was bareable, with much salt and pepper. Oh the freedom of good food.